A year has gone by and little Jane has grown stronger than I ever thought she would. She was such a little thing. John is the smartest little boy I ever did see. He can read as good as Dan. He just learned by looking at the Bible that Dan keeps on the table. I wish I could read but I'm too old and my eyes won't let me anyway. Dan reads to me though, from the Bible and sometimes he brings a newspaper home. I like it when he does that, we don't get much news here. I like to know what is going on but I don't guess it matters to me none.
My hands are bad. The cold is hard on them, I can't hardly bend my fingers. Most days there's blood in the creases up past my wrists. Dishwater is hard to keep warm without the pan sitting right on the cook stove but I have to keep a piece away from it to keep the babies from touching it. They hang on my dress tail. I had pretty hands when I was a girl. My mama helped me wrap them up at night with some juice from a plant she raised in the back window. My fingernails were smooth and grew out over the tips of my fingers. I took pride in them but now they are jagged and rough. I work hard. I try to keep up.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Sunday, January 31, 2010
01 FEBRUARY 1872
I hardly have put my little Jane down during all this cold weather. I felt it in my bones that it was coming on us. I hate the cold biting air, it rips straight through to my heart. I fear my babies might take sick. I know Dan can doctor them but things take children no matter.
I hold John too but he wants to run. He's the sweetest little boy a body ever seen. His blue eyes already bring to my mind a wise man. John will know things, I feel it. It's Jane I fret about, she looks so sad sometimes. When she smiles though, it brings me such pleasure I just don't know what to do.
The cold and dark takes a lot out of me. When the wind blows in hard around our house I can feel it looking for me. Quilts piled on the bed don't always make me warm.
I don't like gettin' up to make a fire on these cold mornings. My fingers can't hardly break the kindlin' to bring the fire to life. That old cook stove warms up in a hurry when the fire starts to roar. I stand as close as I can to it. I want warm vittles in us all these cold days. Seems like I cook all day.
Dan says it turned February today. It'll still be cold times before warm comes to us. But it won't be long til I'll bring the seed out and think about gettin' them in the ground.
I hold John too but he wants to run. He's the sweetest little boy a body ever seen. His blue eyes already bring to my mind a wise man. John will know things, I feel it. It's Jane I fret about, she looks so sad sometimes. When she smiles though, it brings me such pleasure I just don't know what to do.
The cold and dark takes a lot out of me. When the wind blows in hard around our house I can feel it looking for me. Quilts piled on the bed don't always make me warm.
I don't like gettin' up to make a fire on these cold mornings. My fingers can't hardly break the kindlin' to bring the fire to life. That old cook stove warms up in a hurry when the fire starts to roar. I stand as close as I can to it. I want warm vittles in us all these cold days. Seems like I cook all day.
Dan says it turned February today. It'll still be cold times before warm comes to us. But it won't be long til I'll bring the seed out and think about gettin' them in the ground.
Friday, January 1, 2010
01 January 1872
I just never thought I would live to see the year 1872. Living through the war was the worst thing I can remember or ever hope to see. It was a terrible time, needing food and staying warm in winter. Dan saved a lot of folks during that time but a lot was buried too. Some of our people didn't live to see the end of the war. I worry for them ever day.
My babies is growing, John more than Jane. She is such a little, frail thing. But she smiles and doesn't cry much, even though she is sorrowful in her eyes. She has hardly been away from me since they day she was born. I tie her up in my Granny's old shawl and hang her across my chest while I go about my work. She frets if I put her down. I can't take it for her to fret.
We ate up all I had cooked today so it will be an early morning for me. I wish Jane would lay in bed with John and Dan for a bit but a doubt she will. It's so cold for her while the stove gets going. I've got a few eggs for breakfast along with some sausage that came from up at the Yates place. I can stir up some biscuits and pour some gravy over them. That should keep us filled up most of the day. Then for supper I'll fry up some side meat and potatoes to eat with them left over biscuits.
It's bleak looking out the back door. The chicken yard has gone to mud then froze over. Rough ground like that is hard on the chickens but I feed them and give them water. I cleaned out a corner of the chicken house so they can eat and drink without having to go out on the frozen ground. The trees are all so bare with limbs hanging from ice that covered everything. I won't see all the trees recover, it will take so many years. I already feel like an old woman. I guess I am old even if I do have babies. I pray I can live to see them grown up. Won't nobody love them like I do. Thusy is a help with John, she wants to help with Jane but she clings to me. When I look at Jane I think she'll always be close by me.
My babies is growing, John more than Jane. She is such a little, frail thing. But she smiles and doesn't cry much, even though she is sorrowful in her eyes. She has hardly been away from me since they day she was born. I tie her up in my Granny's old shawl and hang her across my chest while I go about my work. She frets if I put her down. I can't take it for her to fret.
We ate up all I had cooked today so it will be an early morning for me. I wish Jane would lay in bed with John and Dan for a bit but a doubt she will. It's so cold for her while the stove gets going. I've got a few eggs for breakfast along with some sausage that came from up at the Yates place. I can stir up some biscuits and pour some gravy over them. That should keep us filled up most of the day. Then for supper I'll fry up some side meat and potatoes to eat with them left over biscuits.
It's bleak looking out the back door. The chicken yard has gone to mud then froze over. Rough ground like that is hard on the chickens but I feed them and give them water. I cleaned out a corner of the chicken house so they can eat and drink without having to go out on the frozen ground. The trees are all so bare with limbs hanging from ice that covered everything. I won't see all the trees recover, it will take so many years. I already feel like an old woman. I guess I am old even if I do have babies. I pray I can live to see them grown up. Won't nobody love them like I do. Thusy is a help with John, she wants to help with Jane but she clings to me. When I look at Jane I think she'll always be close by me.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
MAY 23, 1871
Our little Jane was born early this morning. I barely felt her come, almost didn't have time to call Dan. She came right there in the bed without the birthing rags I had ready.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry.
She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her.
I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry.
She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her.
I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
Monday, January 8, 2007
BREAD Posted by Theodosia
I made bread today. The house and even outside smelled so good, just like when I was a little girl. My mother taught me to make bread. Dan eats it almost faster than I can bake it. He says he can smell it clean across town. Yesterday I churned butter. I have it wrapped and hidden away, I'll get a little out at a time to make it last until next week. I took my knife and made a stem and leaves on the top of each cake of butter. It just makes me table look nice. The bread will be so good with the butter melted on it. We can make out supper on just that.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
WEATHER Posted by Theodosia
I'm surprised that the air is so warm, it being January. Dan stacked plenty of wood for us to use. We still have most of it. I guess we'll be glad when the cold does hit. And I know it will. I've seen warm days in January before and then a bitter cold February or even March.
Nancy walked down from the Yates place today and brought us a little sugar. I was mostly glad for her company though. She got to talking about Virginia and how she missed her people there. But she wouldn't go back and leave Kentucky. I'm glad to have her here. Her stories brighten my days and make me think of other places and what it would be like to go far from home. I wouldn't go but I like to think about it.
A light quilt will keep us warm tonight. Nights to come will be colder. It has to happen.
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