I hardly have put my little Jane down during all this cold weather. I felt it in my bones that it was coming on us. I hate the cold biting air, it rips straight through to my heart. I fear my babies might take sick. I know Dan can doctor them but things take children no matter.
I hold John too but he wants to run. He's the sweetest little boy a body ever seen. His blue eyes already bring to my mind a wise man. John will know things, I feel it. It's Jane I fret about, she looks so sad sometimes. When she smiles though, it brings me such pleasure I just don't know what to do.
The cold and dark takes a lot out of me. When the wind blows in hard around our house I can feel it looking for me. Quilts piled on the bed don't always make me warm.
I don't like gettin' up to make a fire on these cold mornings. My fingers can't hardly break the kindlin' to bring the fire to life. That old cook stove warms up in a hurry when the fire starts to roar. I stand as close as I can to it. I want warm vittles in us all these cold days. Seems like I cook all day.
Dan says it turned February today. It'll still be cold times before warm comes to us. But it won't be long til I'll bring the seed out and think about gettin' them in the ground.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
01 January 1872
I just never thought I would live to see the year 1872. Living through the war was the worst thing I can remember or ever hope to see. It was a terrible time, needing food and staying warm in winter. Dan saved a lot of folks during that time but a lot was buried too. Some of our people didn't live to see the end of the war. I worry for them ever day.
My babies is growing, John more than Jane. She is such a little, frail thing. But she smiles and doesn't cry much, even though she is sorrowful in her eyes. She has hardly been away from me since they day she was born. I tie her up in my Granny's old shawl and hang her across my chest while I go about my work. She frets if I put her down. I can't take it for her to fret.
We ate up all I had cooked today so it will be an early morning for me. I wish Jane would lay in bed with John and Dan for a bit but a doubt she will. It's so cold for her while the stove gets going. I've got a few eggs for breakfast along with some sausage that came from up at the Yates place. I can stir up some biscuits and pour some gravy over them. That should keep us filled up most of the day. Then for supper I'll fry up some side meat and potatoes to eat with them left over biscuits.
It's bleak looking out the back door. The chicken yard has gone to mud then froze over. Rough ground like that is hard on the chickens but I feed them and give them water. I cleaned out a corner of the chicken house so they can eat and drink without having to go out on the frozen ground. The trees are all so bare with limbs hanging from ice that covered everything. I won't see all the trees recover, it will take so many years. I already feel like an old woman. I guess I am old even if I do have babies. I pray I can live to see them grown up. Won't nobody love them like I do. Thusy is a help with John, she wants to help with Jane but she clings to me. When I look at Jane I think she'll always be close by me.
My babies is growing, John more than Jane. She is such a little, frail thing. But she smiles and doesn't cry much, even though she is sorrowful in her eyes. She has hardly been away from me since they day she was born. I tie her up in my Granny's old shawl and hang her across my chest while I go about my work. She frets if I put her down. I can't take it for her to fret.
We ate up all I had cooked today so it will be an early morning for me. I wish Jane would lay in bed with John and Dan for a bit but a doubt she will. It's so cold for her while the stove gets going. I've got a few eggs for breakfast along with some sausage that came from up at the Yates place. I can stir up some biscuits and pour some gravy over them. That should keep us filled up most of the day. Then for supper I'll fry up some side meat and potatoes to eat with them left over biscuits.
It's bleak looking out the back door. The chicken yard has gone to mud then froze over. Rough ground like that is hard on the chickens but I feed them and give them water. I cleaned out a corner of the chicken house so they can eat and drink without having to go out on the frozen ground. The trees are all so bare with limbs hanging from ice that covered everything. I won't see all the trees recover, it will take so many years. I already feel like an old woman. I guess I am old even if I do have babies. I pray I can live to see them grown up. Won't nobody love them like I do. Thusy is a help with John, she wants to help with Jane but she clings to me. When I look at Jane I think she'll always be close by me.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
MAY 23, 1871
Our little Jane was born early this morning. I barely felt her come, almost didn't have time to call Dan. She came right there in the bed without the birthing rags I had ready.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry.
She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her.
I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
She's a special baby, a caulbearer. Even though Dan brings lots of babies, he was shocked to see the caul on his own child. He said it was his first. I had wondered if I would have such a child. I was a caulbearer myself. I never told Dan, didn't know how he would take it.
I helped Dan take it off little Jane's face, it came easy. I had Dan bring me a clean rag and some paper, I spread it out and set it by the bed to dry.
She opened her little eyes and looked right at me. We understood each other from that moment. She had sorrow in her eyes. My heart broke to think of it. She would know things she won't want to know and feel things that will nearly kill her. I know the heartache it will bring. Yet it is her way.
My granny had the sight, she was a caulbearer too. Not my mama though. Granny said it skips sometimes, it looks for a strong mind. My granny comforted me when I knew things, she held me when I cried yet didn't know why. She knew I couldn't tell her in words but while she held me against her chest she would tell me what brought my tears. I was scared sometimes, like I knew when the flood was coming and when I saw Pappy die in the yard. My granny told me not to tell what I knew except to her. It would cause me grief, she said, nobody would understand, they would say I was daft.
My granny saved my caul and gave it to me when I was 12. She told me never to let it be far away from me, to look at it now and then, keep it dry. I'll put little Jane's caul with mine and give it to her when she is 12 or earlier if I think she needs to have it near her.
I don't know what Dan will say about this. He dotes on the children but he is shaken. He hasn't held the baby, says she needs to be with me and not handled, her being so little. Anyway, I don't ever want to put her down.
John has peeped in the door and I told Thusy to bring him to see Jane. I can see the love in his eyes for this baby sister. Thusy, too, but John more. Jane looks back at him with dark eyes. She knows him already.
I'll rest today. My sister, Nancy, has been sent for, she will help me a bit. It'll be a comfort to have her with me. I love my sisters so much it hurts me. I wish we could see each other some.
Little Jane is resting, her dark eyes closing in sleep. She knows how much I love her. I can tell by the way she lays her hand on my chest.
Monday, January 8, 2007
BREAD Posted by Theodosia
I made bread today. The house and even outside smelled so good, just like when I was a little girl. My mother taught me to make bread. Dan eats it almost faster than I can bake it. He says he can smell it clean across town. Yesterday I churned butter. I have it wrapped and hidden away, I'll get a little out at a time to make it last until next week. I took my knife and made a stem and leaves on the top of each cake of butter. It just makes me table look nice. The bread will be so good with the butter melted on it. We can make out supper on just that.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
WEATHER Posted by Theodosia
I'm surprised that the air is so warm, it being January. Dan stacked plenty of wood for us to use. We still have most of it. I guess we'll be glad when the cold does hit. And I know it will. I've seen warm days in January before and then a bitter cold February or even March.
Nancy walked down from the Yates place today and brought us a little sugar. I was mostly glad for her company though. She got to talking about Virginia and how she missed her people there. But she wouldn't go back and leave Kentucky. I'm glad to have her here. Her stories brighten my days and make me think of other places and what it would be like to go far from home. I wouldn't go but I like to think about it.
A light quilt will keep us warm tonight. Nights to come will be colder. It has to happen.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Back Entries
Wednesday, November 29 Posted by Theodosia
BONES
My bones are telling me to watch for rain and cold. I dread the cold but it has come. My mother always waited for it and was satisfied when it came. She threw her shawl around her shoulders and a quilt across her lap. She read to us from our books and gave us stories. I keep the stories and one day I'll pass them on.
The cat knows the cold is coming. Her fur is heavy and she has stored up fat where she had been so skinny all summer. By spring she'll be bringing me more kittens. Dan will fuss but he knows how I love them. I've always had a cat. Always will.
The last few nights we can hear riders after we go to bed and everything is quiet. They don't come where we can see them though. I'm grateful that the horse is hidden away from the branch. A cow was taken from the Yates field last week. They have plenty but it's a worry.
Fried apples have been welcome on our table for a week or so now. I churned up some butter and used a little of the sugar I have hidden away. A few drips of bacon grease and it makes a mighty fine supper. Dan's never let us go to bed hungry, not once.
Saturday, December 2 Posted by Theodosia
BLUE SKY
The sky was the bluest I've ever seen today. The leaves have all fallen off the sycamore trees, the branches are so white against the blue sky it hurts my eyes. I wish I could capture the color in a painting but I know it can't be done. These old trees keep standing no matteer how hard the wind blows. Some winters ice has broken branches but the roots run deep I guess. Dan swept the big leaves from under the trees and burned them before they got too wet. It's lonesome now looking at the bare trees and clean yard. There's a lot of cold to bear before the leaves come back.
Sunday, December 3 Posted by Theodosia
CLOTH
After supper tonight I covered our things on the table with a little cloth that my mother made for me when I married Dan. I hate to wear it out, she's getting up in years and doesn't sew much now. But I love it so. If it hadn't been made well it wouldn't have lasted. I sat and watched her sew on it, worrying that I would have to leave here and not see her again. But Dan didn't take me away and I'm glad of it.
I walk over to see her and Daddy as often as I can. I don't miss many days. Theya lways see me coming before I get to the door and have a little coffee ina cup for me to sip on while we talk. I used to take sugar in it but the war has changed that. Now I savor the bitter taste. I guess it reminds me of the bitter thimes we are having. I pray it will end soon. Word came yesterday to the Huff's up the hill that their boy is dead. They said they knew it wouldhappen, he was so young and didn't know how to take car of hisself. I sat with them last night and will again tonight. Nothing to say, we just sit and hold hands.
I had some biscuits left from supper, they'll warm up good enough for breakfast in the morning. I kept back enough milk to make a little gravy. My cat will lap up the gravy we'll have left, I'll make sure she gets some and keep it warm on the back of the stove.
Wednesday, December 6 Posted by Theodosia
FROZEN SOLID
Dan's shirts froze solid before I got them laid across the fence out behind the house. Looking back at them, it appeared to be Dan standing there by the fence with no head and legs. Just his long arms held stiff at his sides, the wind shuffling him about a bit. Dan likes his shirts clean and wants a different one every day. I'll leave them there til dinner. My hands are red and rouhg, I'll have to put some grease on them and wrap them in rags beofre I can light out in the cold air. The old stove is raging, I need to cook and then try and get Dan's shirts dry. Then he'll want me to use the iron, it's already heating on the stove. I keep my same things on for days. I just wash a little bit here and there. Not Dan though, he likes clean. Sometimes I think I might smile if the water is too hot for him. After all the trouble he shines himself up and I guess it's worth it. Dan does keep good care of us, brings in food and always has medicine in his doctor case. Late last night after we were asleep we heard the wind come roaring down the holler. We had to stay so close to keep warm, made me glad Dan likes to keep clean.
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